Shane received this story in his email as written by his cousin Chris for his mothers 60th birthday... Shane just happened to be a central figure in the story.... After reading it , I was laughing all day and wish I could have been there to witness it.
If you have ever dealt with bullies, trust me this is a must read... back in late 1980's early 90's moms could get away with scaring the tar out of the neighborhood bully. Now-a-days (that's right I just typed now-a-days, you whipper snappers) you would probably be arrested for this... so I am neither condoning nor recommending this behavior. I just find it to be hilarious!
"Mom's best quality, in my opinion, is the way she mothers with a vengeance (those are her words, not mine). No more so was this evident when I was 14 or 15 years old. I remember our cousin Shane was in town visiting and we decided to go to a church dance.
Earlier in the day, Shane, for some reason or another, had an encounter with the neighborhood bully, Josh, where Shane must have ticked him off. Well, that evening Dave, Shane, and I decided to walk out to the entrance of the neighborhood to wait for our ride to pick us up for the dance. Dan came with on his bike just to hang with us until our ride got there. Well, somehow Josh and his entourage caught wind that we were outside the neighborhood. They all came out on their bikes and started getting in Shane's face, threatening him, swearing at him and basically ready to beat him up. I honestly was very worried about how we were going to get out of the situation. We were outnumbered and I was scared. Well somehow in all the chaos that had ensued, Dan had taken off and rode as fast as he could home to tell mom.
I would love to have Dan describe to me his version of the story when he told mom what was going on and how quickly she was able to grab the keys to the van and come to the rescue, because just when things got to the point that I thought punches were going to be thrown and I was going to have to explain to my Uncle Benson how his son was beaten to a pulp by my neighbor while I watched (yes, I have a tendency to shy away from conflict), the van came screaming around the corner. I am not kidding when I say the van came screaming around the corner. No one had ever taken that corner more quickly before nor since - and she did it in a Dodge Ram Van.
We all heard the van at the same time, and it was amazing the shift in emotions we all experienced. The bad guys became terrified and the good guys (us) became a lot more courageous! I personally felt a huge amount of relief.
Josh and his boys immediately stopped what they were doing, grabbed their bikes, and high tailed it back into the neighborhood. I think Dave became really confident at that point and said something like, "Yeah, that's right Josh, you better run!" What he didn't say, but what I was thinking was, "Dude, you aren't riding away fast enough! If she catches you, SHE WILL KILL YOU!!!"
You know, for most mothers, just scaring the bully away would have been enough. Not my mom. Most moms would have stopped to check on us to see if we were okay. Not my mom. Josh and his boys had messed with mom's kids, and she wasn't going to let him get away with it. So, in true 'mother with a vengeance' form, she tore off in the van back into the neighborhood after Josh on his bike. I'm sure Josh was thinking it was a brilliant idea to escape on his dirt bike into the open field where the van couldn't catch him.
Was he really that stupid to think that would stop my mom? No dirt field was going to stop my mom in her van from scaring the living crap out of that kid and his friends for messing with me, my brothers, and my cousin. So there we were standing outside the neighborhood, watching mom in the van as it bounced up and down as she chased Josh through the dirt field on his bike. From about 200 yards away, we could hear her screaming, yelling, and threatening, and him pleading and begging for her mercy. We, on the other hand, were slapping high fives and laughing hysterically over what we had just experienced. I'm more comfortable now with my masculinity to admit that yes, when I was a teenager, my mom rescued me, my brothers, and my cousin from the neighborhood bully.
I can also honestly admit that I personally never had any issues with Josh after that night. He never messed with me ever again. I'm grateful for a mother who loves me so much that she was willing to mow over a helpless bully with her van as he tried to get away from her on his bike! Love you mom. You're the best."
